Dear Reader,
I’m getting more and more convinced that we can see our true self only when we are alone.
The reasoning goes along these lines: when we are with other people we are (in normal conditions) not allowed to give way to our worse self. At the very least, it would be against our best interest to show strong moral deficiencies, bad social behaviours, laziness, despicable hygiene in front of friends and coworkers!
Am I going to argue that we are “good” only because of the other people?
Well, yes and no! I don’t want to judge, neither to trace hard lines. I’m trying to provide a set of lenses that can give a better vision of the world.
It is a fact that the mere existence of other human beings is the prerequisite for altruism, in the pure sense of “concern for human beings other than ourselves”. Yet, when we are alone, tired, with no one to actively care about, altruism and social considerations go out of the way, and we are left in “the entire world it’s me” mode.
It is my opinion that in that setting the key drivers to our actions become our basic animal needs, the acquisition of mental and bodily pleasures, attention for our long-term well-being drops and or capability to plan and act strategically becomes severely impaired. We get bored quickly and or focus-span narrows.
That is, at least, what happens to me!
We reach for our phones for some Facebook, turn on the TV, think of someone to call, and these behaviours act negatively on our ability to make the most out of the time at hand, in a downward self-feeding spiral.
I’m living this right now, even among more than a hundred people: I’m in a skating arena waiting for my daughter to perform and, while I’m behaving in a completely acceptable way, I find it hard to concentrate on these few lines, and I wonder if I would write them if I were alone. Beware, I’m not talking about mere concentration: I’m speaking of actively chasing despicable thoughts, from wanting to drink beer to kill time to other lowly activities.
What do I make from these considerations? Well, I’ll use my time alone to look inside me, to explore my dark side, to have a chance to know me better. I will consciously embrace it, for denying it will only feed it to grow larger in the background. And then, I will try to keep a balance between being alone and being in a crowd. Probably Sting is right when he sings:
Men go crazy in congregations
They only get better one by oneSting
Until next time, enjoy some uplifting music when you are alone!
November 29, 2018 at 7:59 pm
Amazing post.
It is absolutely true that “what’s outside” limits our “real” behavior and generally speaking modifies our endeavor.
From the broad general social opinion, to a particular interaction with a single human being, we adapt our behavior to fit into what is socially acceptable or, better, expected.
As social animals we are not only prone, but somehow spoiled to fit into our definite space in the society.
The matter is, when we are alone we actually are with the most important person on the Earth: ourselves! We tend to devalue this aspect so much that it actually pervades even our significant others: how many times we indulge in rude behaviors when alone or within our inner family? We probably feel we have nothing to prove to us and to them.
You made me think how unfair this trait of ours is: the person we should prove day in day out our best self are exactly those persons we devalue most with our “worse self”; conversely, we act perfectly in the presence of any John Doe in the street.
Thank you for the chance to grow a little stronger with this post!
Keep inspiring us, buddy!
November 29, 2018 at 11:39 pm
Hi Carlo,
thanks for your positive feedback!
I think you nailed what I mean, and added something more: we act so that our “inner circle” is negatively affected by our “natural” behaviour. That is so sad… we have to be always on the watch, always (like the Stoics said) “strict with ourselves and tolerant with regards to others”.
Have a nice evening,
MN