Dear Reader,

I’ve already written about one aspect of caring (see my post Intensive care unit), but there is another one close to my heart and that I feel is often underrated.

In many simple conversations or even in writing we see a considerable amount of attention devoted to “love”, “caring”, “being passionate” and the likes, particularly concerning what we (should) do for our loved ones. It seems almost like the act of living is, by itself, capable of making things happen almost by magic. However, what is perceived as magic is always a combination of unknown facts, not-yet-understood natural phenomena and the acting of our subconscious minds.

What creates real change for another person are our actions, words and behaviours. In other words, we should somehow engage at least her/his attention to have any effect.

Let’s consider our efficacy toward another person. We can recognise many different situations: in some of them, we can have a high impact without consciously do anything. See this example: a light depression strikes one of your acquaintances, and you get to know about that. Unconsciously your behaviour toward your unfortunate friend will change. Maybe you will begin to show (unknowingly to you) more interest, more care, your whole body posture, voice and behaviour change sooo slightly but just enough to be perceived by the subconscious of our friend and this is the starting point of a process that will lead to the halt of the mounting depression. In this case, no one can say what happened exactly; almost everything occurred at a pre-conscious level. This mechanism is erratic: sometimes it may work, many more times it will not work.

I want to share another example, based on my experience. It took me some years to realise why some days my wife seems happier when I come home in the evening. Long story short, when I think about my family while on the road back home (i.e. when I “love” and “care” and I’m “being passionate”) I get calmer and the stress of the day goes away. When I open the door, my wife immediately perceives my state of mind and reacts accordingly (yes, we humans are so empathic and attuned to one another: try to think about your own experience). Final result: she has a more pleasant evening, every anxiety (both hers and mines) goes away and everyone benefits!

My question is, regarding both examples: could we have been more effective (or at least more confident about the probability of getting the final result) if we spent some time and brains on the matter? What if we went straight to the melancholic person to talk to her, spoke to her relatives to know better what’s going on, have a phone call with a doctor we trust and then take actions accordingly? I hope you agree with me that the answer is yes (let’s talk later about the importance of knowing when to act and when not to act).

The example is set up to serve two purposes: to demonstrate that I believe in the so-called “power of love” (at least in the sense that it can act positively on ourselves and others, even in seemingly unknowable ways) and to instill the idea that loving can be not just enough to cut it.

Loving, caring, being passionate make you start with the right foot. However, not using your full intelligence is the worst sin you could ever make. If you want to be a man of heart, remember to use your brain as well.

Until next time, take care.